


Ron's Radar

by almondjoyz



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Post War, Post-War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-20
Updated: 2009-05-20
Packaged: 2018-10-27 11:37:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10808271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almondjoyz/pseuds/almondjoyz
Summary: Ron is given a special task by Fred and George: protecting Ginny's virtue.





	Ron's Radar

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Happy Birthday, Shari!! And you will notice at the end that there is something for your slashy side, which is as close to slash as I will get thus far in my life. I love you to pieces, dearie!!  
> 

_"You interrupted them?" said Ginny. "You are **so** like Ron--"_

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows  
p. 756 (US edition)

 

\---------------------------

 

"Okay, Ron, it's up to you now."

"The virtue of our lovely sister must be protected."

"And since Fred and I are no longer there…"

"You're the most logical choice."

"So what are you going to do to me?"

"Just a little spell, really."

"Won't hurt."

"Much,"

"Hey!"

"Sorry there, little bro."

"You'll live."

"Oh, thanks."

\------------------------------------

Ron suddenly felt the urge to take a short cut around the castle and knowing how Harry was trying to avoid certain females, he knew that Harry'd go along with it. The two of them made their way around the hidden corridors and came up on the tapestry that would lead them to…

"Ginny!"

\------------------------------------

Harry was with Dumbledore for one of his 'classes' and Ron needed something to do. Hermione was studying with Padma Patil. Sometimes, he wondered why she wasn't in Ravenclaw.

Ron stood up from the chair, deciding to head up to his dormitory to feed his sudden desire for some of Harry's treacle toffee. At the door, he noticed it was shut, meaning someone was in there. In a very nonchalant manner, he opened the door to find Dean on his bed with a very familiar red-haired female.

"Hem, hem," Ron muttered, sounding much like Dolores Umbridge.

"Damnit, Ron! Don't you knock?" Ginny shouted, springing up into a sitting position, her uniform shirt unbuttoned to reveal a camisole bunched up underneath her breasts.

"Good thing I got here before things got out of hand, eh, Ginny!" Ron crossed his arms over his chest and scowled.

"You're driving me insane!" She hopped off the bed, straightened her shirts and huffed out of the room.

"Oi, Thomas, I'd think things over a bit before doing anything more with her, if I were you. There's five more of me to deal with," Ron seethed, his craving for treacle toffee suddenly disappearing.

\------------------------------------

He watched as Ginny ran across the common room, into Harry's arms and began to kiss him. His stomach felt as if it had fallen into the bottom of the Black Lake. He fought the urge to run over to her and pull her off his best friend's face and managed to stay put, gaping at the two of them with his mouth wide open.

After what seemed like days, weeks, months even, Harry and Ginny dislocated themselves from each other's lips and he met Harry's eyes. Part of Ron's brain was telling him to march over there and tell Harry to take a cold shower, but the other part resigned to the fact that if Ginny was to snog someone publicly, he'd rather it be Harry.

As Harry continued to look at him, Ron merely shrugged and watched as the two of them left the common room, hand in hand and deliriously happy.

\------------------------------------

It was warm out, unseasonably warm for Scotland, and Ron took off his school sweater and tied it around his waist as he strolled along the lake on the Hogwarts' grounds. It was the kind of day where he really didn't feel like being cooped up inside. Besides, he needed to find Harry and talk to him about how he was feeling about Hermione.

He was coming up over the rise that led to the beech tree that he, Hermione, and Ron gathered under on afternoons such as these to see that it was already being used. Stepping a bit closer, he saw that two people were becoming rather familiar with each other. He gasped as he saw long, fiery red hair and out of control black hair. A couple more steps showed him that Harry was on his back with Ginny sitting astride him in a most wonton manner. Ron sprinted over to the tree and quickly pulled his sister off of Harry.

"Ginny!" Ron shouted and stared at his sister, who was without her shirt and wearing only that same camisole she had on that time with Dean. "Harry!" His best friend had his shirt open and had been thrusting his hips upward into Ginny's thighs. Ron wasn't the most experienced bloke, but he knew what they were up to and he didn't like it one bit.

"Ron! Why is it your personal mission to interrupt me? I'm getting fed up with it!" Ginny screeched as she buttoned up her shirt and straightened her skirt, which Ron just now noticed was showing a bit too much thigh. "Stop bothering me or you'll get the Bat-Bogey Hex to end all Bat-Bogey Hexes! Understand?" She drew her wand and pointed it right in Ron's face.

"Hey! I wasn't out looking for you—"

"Bull shit!" she shouted and turned toward Harry. "Harry, why aren't you yelling at him?"

Harry choked down his laughter from the ground. At some point, he'd rolled over onto his stomach and began picking at the grass.

"Er, well, you're doing a pretty bang up job of it, Gin. I didn't think I could do much better, you know." He flashed a smile and then stood up, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing the top of her head.

Ginny's anger visibly melted before Ron's eyes and she began buttoning Harry's uniform shirt for him. "True," she began, "I do know how to handle Ron better than most." She finished buttoning him up and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him lightly.

"Oh Merlin, you two, I think I'm gonna gag!" Ron turned around and bent over, waiting for the bile to rise from his gut. When nothing came, he stood upright and noticed that Harry and Ginny had left him and were now a few metres ahead of him, walking back to the castle hand in hand.

\------------------------------------

"Ron, leave them alone! She obviously wanted to talk to him alone!" Hermione pleaded as she tried to stop Ron from interrupting Harry and Ginny.

"Oh come on, Hermione, they're just talking. Anyways, I need to get my magazines from her room before we go!" Ron continued to trudge up the stairs.

"You can get them anytime. Why now?"

Ron stopped at Ginny's door. "Because…I'll forget them," he stammered as he reached for the door, opening it fully, hitting the wall behind it.

Ron stopped short as he took in the scene before him. Harry. Ginny. Kissing. Groping.

"Oh. Sorry."

\------------------------------------

Ron lay in his bed, tossing and turning. Something had awakened him from his peaceful sleep, and he was unable to get back to sleep. He glanced at the alarm clock on the bedside table, which mocked him by saying '2:47.' Deciding to get himself a drink of water, he rolled out of bed and made his way across the room to the door, into the hallway and stepped into the dining room, which was connected to the living room and kitchen. An odd banging noise drew his attention to the living room. His Auror instincts kicked into gear and he cursed himself for leaving his wand in the bedroom.

Ron crept slyly and stood beside the tall wardrobe he and Harry used to store the television and Playstation. He began to look around the corner but drew back when the floorboards began to creak.

Someone groaned and Ron wondered if Harry was hurt, passed out, or near death.

Without thinking, Ron stormed into the living room and immediately regretted it. There, on the floor, tangled underneath a crocheted blanket, lie his sister and Harry, both of them naked from the waist up and probably more. The noise of his arrival and subsequent gasp of disgust was enough to pull his sister's head away from Harry's groin with a pop.

"Hey…why'd you—"

"Ron!" Ginny shouted, gathering the blanket around her chest, leaving Harry bare to the world.

"Er…I thought I heard a noise…"

Harry sat up and drew his knees up to his chest in an attempt to preserve some modesty.

\------------------------------------

"George, you gotta help me!"

"Why? You can put the stock on the shelves without me."

"That's not it, you pillock!"

"Well, that's no way to get me to help you."

"Whatever…you gotta take off that spell."

"What spell? I've put a lot of spells on you over the years."

"Wha—never mind. That spell you two put on me about Ginny."

"Huh?"

"'To preserve our sister's virtue,' remember?"

"Oh, that one! Have you interrupted something, Ronniekins?"

"Moving out didn't help, either. They do it EVERYwhere!"

"Well, I wish I could help, little bro, but I can't."

"What do you mean 'you can't'?"

"Uh, well, both Fred and I…"

"What?"

"Both of us have to be there to take it off, okay?"

"Sorry. But you didn't say—"

"Didn't know he'd die two years later!"

"Sorry."

"You have to wait until they're married, Ron. That's what'll dissolve the spell."

"WHAT?"

"Yep, she's gotta get married."

\------------------------------------

"HARRY!" Ron shouted as he entered number twelve Grimmauld Place. "POTTER, if you're shagging my sister, I'll bloody well kill you!" His voice echoed through the expansive space, sending an eerie chill up and down Ron's spine. He took a couple steps into the house and waved his wand, performing a revealing spell; there was no one in the house.

He's supposed to be here, he thought to himself. He told me he had the day off.

Ron threw himself down upon the nearest armchair and waited for his friend. He hadn't seen Harry in a few days, as Ron had been in Blackburn, tracking down some stupid wizard who tried to reanimate Bellatrix Lestrange's remains. That task completely squicked him out.

Ron sat there for about ten minutes and was ready to leave when a pair of cracks drew him from his thoughts. He sprang up from the chair and found a giggly Ginny with Harry draped around her, nibbling on her neck.

"Excuse me!" Ron interrupted.

The two of them sprang apart and both Ginny and Harry glared at him.

"Go. Away!" Harry bellowed. "Why are you ALWAYS around when we—"

"Stop!" Ron raised his hands in a gesture of surrender. "I didn't come here to interrupt your sexual tryst or anything. I swear."

"So why did you?" Ginny crossed her arms over her chest and raised her eyebrows in irritation.

"To beg."

Neither Harry nor Ginny could hold back their laughter, and Ginny even slid down the wall, unable to hold herself up as she laughed.

"Oh…that…that's just…too funny!" she managed to get out.

"It's not funny! Do you want me to interrupt you until you're married?" Ron asked furiously. "Because our damned twin brothers put a spell on me that won't break until you're married!"

The room suddenly became quiet. Ginny stood up from the floor and the three of them stared at each other. Harry was first to speak.

"So Fred and George put a Chastity Protector Charm on you? Impressive."

"No, it's not—Wait…how did you know about that spell and I didn't?" Ron continued to stare at Harry.

"A spell? My brothers put a bloody spell on him to preserve my…my—"

"Purity, yes." Harry smirked. "Fat lot that did."

Ginny swatted him on the shoulder.

"So I'm here to beg you two to get married so I can stop being drawn to you when…when you want to shag," Ron said softly.

"But you're here. Shouldn't you have stayed away, Ron?" Ginny said as she turned to Harry with a sneaky smile on her face.

"Because I wanted to talk to you—Wait! What's so funny?" His eyes darted from Harry to Ginny and back again. They were nestled cosily in each other's arms, making Ron feel quite uncomfortable.

"Well, you can go home now, Ron. We eloped!" Ginny's face lit up with a huge grin and she thrust out her hand at Ron, showing him her new, sparkly wedding ring. "That's why we were gone. We Apparated to France and just got back!"

Harry pulled his new wife to his side and kissed her firmly on the mouth, ignoring Ron standing in front of them.

"You—you're married?" Ron mumbled, not believing his good fortune.

Harry nodded enthusiastically, holding up his own left hand to show his wedding band.

"Sorry we didn't—"

Harry never finished his sentence as Ron launched himself at Harry and, quite shockingly, kissed Harry full on the mouth.

Ron drew back and held Harry's face in his hands, smiling broadly at his new brother-in-law.

"THANK YOU!"

And Ron promptly Apparated out of the house, a little disgusted with himself but very pleased that his radar had been unplugged.

 

\---THE END---


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